Lucid Dreams

Your head is on my stomach and we're trying not to fall asleep on this 18th floor balcony

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 10:06:28 GMT

Went to bbt with Liza, Disha, Debbie and Candace tonight. We sat and chatted for over 3 hours. I don't think the bbt waitresses were too impressed. It was a lot of fun though. Lots of pictures. Some of them are on Facebook.

I've been wondering about why some people have such lasting effects on our lives. We think we've forgotten about it and gotten past the... past, but one little thing happens and you're back to square one. There are tons of reasons why it should be easy to move on, but for some reason, it just won't let you go and you just yearn and pine and perish.

It's like I'm going through my teenage angst in my early 20s. I'm assuming these feelings will go away eventually. Or maybe I'm just emo. Maybe I need a replacement. But then again, I had a replacement and almost got rid of it. And then I didn't and it was worse. But that's another story all together.

I don't think I can date bi girls. I hate the idea of a girl I dated being with a guy. But somehow I'm okay with her being with another girl after we've broken up even if I'm still hung up on her. Strange.

"My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

Go away
Make it go away
Please..."

Maybe I really am emo.

Some kind of light at the end

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 09:39:39 GMT

So I didn't get my tattoo. It's postponed until next Friday. I'm so disappointed, but at least he said he'd give me a discount and at least he was honest about mixing the dates up. He could have easily half-assed it and that would have been really awful.

Work has been killing me lately. I don't know what I was thinking, volunteering to work 4 days a week before Christmas. *sigh*

But I just got off the phone with Gar and we're gonna hang out! :) I haven't seen him in forever. It's really weird cuz we lived together for such a long time and saw each other at least in passing. Yay for hanging out. :)

I'm drinking what used to be sin and touching the edge of her skin

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 09:30:33 GMT

Getting inked again tomorrow!

Almost!

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 04:30:42 GMT

I'm almost done. 1 more final to go.

Here is my schedule for the next week and a bit:

Wed: Study and write final
Thurs: Work and Aikido
Fri: Clean my place and then see my friends
Sat: Work and do nothing
Sun: Teach piano and go see some Christmas chorus thing with my mom
Mon: Tattoo!!!
Tues: Work
Wed: Work
Thurs: Work

When will it ever end? :(

Procrastination

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 05:57:43 GMT

I haven't felt like updating all that much lately. I've just been going about my routine. School, work, Aikido, school, work, Aikido. Nothing ever changes. I'm lonely, but I din't want to go through the effort of building a relationship. Why can't it ever just be easy?

I've been having dreams about being with people. Last night I dreamt that I was dealing with some angry customers at the bank, but it was in the evening and it turns out we were both going to a beach party. So the customers and I decided to just meet down at the beach and I'd sort out their problem before we met up with our respective friends.

When we got down there, I decided to meander off and say hi to my friends and one of them told me that this girl I had met a while back was in love with me or something. And then there was a break dancing competition and that girl was in it. I think her name was Melanie. Afterwards, my friend took me over to Melanie and she was really nervous when she saw me. It was cute. Then I walked down to the other end of the beach and Melanie followed me. And then we ended up talking and cuddling.

The night before I dreamt I was hanging out with this girl from OOC. I found out last week she has a girlfriend, but that didn't stop us in the dream. She ended up kissing me and then we had a talk about whether she was in an open relationship or not and then we made out. Then we got interrupted by the people we were supposed to go out with. Apparently, they coudln't make it, so we made out some more and then I think more happened, but I can't remember.

I wanted to go dancing tonight, but I have to write papers. Stupid school...

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to Adrenaline with my friend to get her tattoo. I'm pretty excited about it. I want to see in person what getting a tattoo will be like. I can't wait to get my next one. :) I better design it soon.

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 00:28:58 GMT

Why are people who come into the bank so fucking stupid? Why do they think we are omnicient? I don't fucking care that you've been banking with BMO for 30 fucking years! *I* don't know who you are so show me some fucking ID! And to think we're actually taking the time to protect these ungrateful bastards. AND! These are the people who will freak out the most if even 10 cents is missing from their account even though they have tens of thousands of dollars. These people really need to get their financial portfolio reevaluated.

Having thousands of dollars sitting in your account is useless. Invest it! Put it in stocks or mutual funds. GICs are a waste of time. They don't keep up with inflation rates so it's just sitting there collecting dust, but if you learn how to invest, you can increase your money by at least 15-20% a year instead of the measely 3.9% GICs get you. I'm planning on badgering my mother until she takes out my GIC. She said that if I keep it in for the full term I get a whopping 8%. That's not very much especially since it's been sitting there for 3 years already and I still have to wait another 2 years before it'll actually mature so I get my 8%.

And I have come to the conclusion that I don't have to pay back my student loan right away. The interest rate is 5% or something like that (I think. I still have to look into that) so I can take the money that I have already to pay that back and invest it. So if I can make a profit of about 15% from the $6000 I owe in student loans, after I finish paying that back, I would still have netted 10% which is way better than starting to save again from scratch which was what I was planning on doing originally.

I'm going to talk to my uncles and my dad about this a bit more to see what kind of strategies I can use to maximize my net worth and hopefully I'll be able to make a downpayment on my own apartment (or even a house! But that might be wishful thinking) by the time I'm 25 or 26. My dad said he can loan me $10,000 and my mom also said she'd loan me some money too. So now I'm leaning about stocks and mutual funds and personal lines of credit little by little and maybe by the time I graduate I can begin to dabble a bit in the stock market. :)

But, wow, it's amazing how different my relationship is with my parents now that they know I'm gay. It's pretty awesome actually.

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 20:17:06 GMT

It's so nice to have days off, but somehow I'm almost more busy now than when I had school, work and people to deal with. Over the weekend, I worked, went to see a movie with my aunt and cousin and then had lunch with my parents and my uncle and grandma. Monday, I hung out with Kaylie and we had lunch, bought goggles, and watched movies.

Tuesday, Kaylie and Diane and I are had a bbq at Kaylie's aunt's house. Kaylie tried to get her super hot friend to go, but she's really shy and didn't show up. Kaylie thinks she came and then heard the people and left. Talk about shitty. Oh and apparently, I can convert straight girls. Kaylie's friend thinks I'm "fucking hot" and "super charming" and I've "left quite an impression" and she wants my number. But I think she's annoying and obnoxious. Thank god Kaylie didn't give her my number.

Wednesday, work and OOC book buy. The buy was pretty fun. Only Samonte and I showed up, but we had a blast. And Brady called me. :) We hung out and had dinner. It was a pleasure as usual. Oh and Faye called me when I was at work on my lunch break to ask about living in Vancouver and to send her some websites on how to find good housing. I didn't mind answering the questions, but I didn't want to chat and she kept wanting to ask how I was. Which is fine on a regular basis, but I was having a very bad day. I was cramping and bloated and 2 customers had sworn at me. It would have been fine if they sworn about the bank, but not AT me. But anyways, I was sort of a bitch to Faye because I didn't want to talk and she kept trying to. I think she took it personally. I'm pms-ing really badly.

Today, I cried myself awake. I had a dream about my grandpa. We were grocery shopping at the store my cousin worked at. It was so much fun until my grandpa either died in the store or vanished. I can't remember which, but crying myself awake wasn't fun. Wet pillows aren't good. Then I worked and came home and cooked mass amounts of food for myself for the coming week. I didn't feel like cleaning so I left it all out and just had dinner in peace. Then I fell asleep for a bit and then went to pick up Rachel from work. We hung out at her house for a couple hours and just caught up a bit. It was nice. I like hanging with her. Then I came home and cleaned.

Tomorrow... I'm not sure what I'm doing yet, but I should really go to the pool. Maybe I'll go to Killarney or Kits to swim some laps.

Saturday, work and my cousin's birthday dinner. Sunday, teaching and Phantom of the Opera with my mother and then dinner with Disha. Wow, I can't even remember the last time I hung out with her.... Hm. Anyways... the following Monday, work. Tuesday, Aikido and dinner with my Aunt Amelia and her partner. (This is my mom's sister who's a lesbian.) Wed and Thurs, work. Holy shit, busy.

But I like it that way. It makes the time pass faster, although it also makes the beginning of school seem to come faster. I wish I had time to travel. I think I should do that after I graduate. What better time than that, eh? I'll probably go to Europe. I'm still bitter about being gyped out of it in grade 12. I can't believe someone said Whistler was its replacement. 2 1/2 weeks touring and performing all over Europe is not equal to a measely 2 1/2 days in Whistler! But anyways, I digress.... Travelling = good.

Fucking PMS...

I dropped my bottle of shampoo on my foot when I was in the shower today. Fuck me, it hurt. And now my foot is permanently cramped. I think I pinched a nerve... Fucking fuck.

I found $20 today at 7-11! I took it. :D Shhh.

Fucking PMS.

Good times

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 04:03:51 GMT

White water rafting was AWESOME! It was one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. I can't wait until I can go again! The drive was pretty hard, but once we got on the water, it made it all worth while. And the water was amazing. We had such a blast! :D

Then the next day I went and wrote my final. I did pretty well considering I barely read over my notes. The goal is to maintain a 3.0. It's so sad. What happened go having an A average? Oh well. What can ya do...

Today, I spent all day with Shannon. We went to lunch and then we went swimming. It was so nice. We're going to try to go swimming at least 2-3 times a week and I think I've managed to convince her to join Aikido! Yay! It's gonna be pretty fun watching her get thrown around. :P

And it's going to be movie time with Shannon when her dad leaves. We're going to watch Love Actually. It's such an awesome movie. Ah, love. It's wonderful... until it rips your heart out and leaves you in a million pieces.

Oh, I've also started reading Kushiel's Dart again. It's such a good book. It's awesome reading again. I wish I had the book with me right now. It'd be nice to read a bit while she hangs out with her dad. But anyways, time to sign off.

"Love as thou wilt."
~Jacqueline Carey~

Stress stinks

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 18:13:48 GMT

I worked for 19 hours on my paper for Situational Crime prevention and finished it at 6:00 on Tuesday morning and then I was woken up less than 4 hours later. I was not impressed. Then, I had a final that was really long. I hope I did okay... Then I have to hand in a final paper tomorrow. Saturday, I'm working all day and spending the night at Ingrid's. And on Sunday, I'm going white-water rafting with Ingrid and then I have another final on Monday. I think I'm going to die.

After that, I'm planning on working out again. I've gained like 8 pounds. I'm so not impressed. Rachel and I are gonna go down to the pool and I'll probably do some laps. That would be good. I wanna get rid of my tubby gut. And I'll start Aikido again, assuming there's class in the last couple weeks of August.

There's so much that I want to do before school starts again. I can't wait until school is done for the term.

Joseph Yeh-An Tam (October 11, 1916 - July 30, 2006)

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 18:53:53 GMT

He's gone.

I've been alternating between sort of being okay and totally losing it. I found out from my cousin on Saturday night/Sunday morning at 1:15 am. And for some reason when I found out I didn't really react. I was just kind of like, Oh... okay.

I proceeded to go home and check my email. And then my dad called me to let me know and I offered to go to the hospital to be there for the rest of the family. I was the first one to get to St. Joe's. The nurse asked me if I would like to go see him by myself or with the rest of the family and for some reason, I said I'd go see him. When I walked in it was terrifying. He looked so very dead. Not sleeping, not restful. Just dead.

I went to my aunt's house to spend the night. I emailed my profs and got extentions for my papers. The next day I had a good long chat with Garett about death and being terrified that grandpa's corpse would come back. On Monday, I went to school and only went to 1 hour of class because I started bawling during break and had to leave and then didn't feel up to going back. I spent most of the day at Out on Campus and then I went to my aunt's house (I think... some things are a wee bit blurry). Tuesday, I went to school again, had lunch with my grandma, aunt and uncle and then went to Shannon's. Wednesday, I hung out with Rachel for most of the day, then I went to have dinner with my grandma, aunt and uncle again. Thursday, I went to work, went to my mom's house to grab something, ended up having dinner with her and then going to my uncle's house where I had a pretty good cryfest and then I got into a fight with my mother for not speaking or playing the piano at the funeral. She just doesn't understand that I will be in no condition to do either of those things.

Today is the day of the funeral. It commences in exactly 2 hours. I don't want to say goodbye. I better bring lots of tissues. I'm going to be a wreck. Amanda and Garett are coming with me. It's very sweet of them. I hope they come to the reception. Chinese food! It's yummy! And thank you, you two. You have no idea what this means to me.

Okay, I have to go find lots of tissue and maybe eat something before going.

In Loving Memory of
Joseph Yeh-An Tam
(October 11, 1916 - July 30, 2006)

Death is Nothing at All

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way, which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as you always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me and pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
Without the ghost of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval.
Somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.
~Unknown~

I love you Grandpa.

Swimming between the waves of happiness and disaster

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 04:27:49 GMT

I just realized that my last post wasn't posted... I'm not sure if that's a mistake on my part or if LJ did something.

Today is my first day off in 17 days. The last 2 weeks were horrendous, but pretty darn good at the same time. I really do prefer to be busy even though I go crazy in the process. I've slept! And then I got stoodup by Shannon. :(

[Edited to say: I wrote this post in 2 different parts. In the morning when I just woke up and then after my day.]

A girl at work tried to weasel me into working today too. I wasn't too impressed. If I took the shift, I can get next Sat off which is what I wanted initially, but now that I think of it, I don't need it off. I'm planning on taking Ingrid to dinner (Not sure where yet. Anyone have any suggestions on not too pricey, fairly romantic restaurants?), going to Bard on the Beach, watching the sunset and then taking her to the park at the base of SFU campus and walking to the pond where we'll sit and watch the stars. Yes, I'm hopelessly cheezy.

Ingrid wants to go camping and whitewater rafting with me. And we've tentatively agreed to go to Pride together too. I hope we can fit it all in before she goes away for the summer, but she said camping can be done after she comes back from the States and Halifax. I really like that she's thinking ahead of time cuz it takes away from the "Oh no, will I ever see her again after this date?" feeling.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I've been cleaning compulsively lately. But just the kitchen and my room. More so the kitchen. Garett, Amanda and Josh came over so Garett could grab his stuff for the camping trip they were going on and I was crazily cleaning the kitchen and Amanda asked if I was okay. That was sweet of her. I like having a clean kitchen.

Later that night I ended up giving some of what I cooked to Wes after he ate an entire pizza because I have a tendency to cook waaayyy too much. I made congee and noodles. I didn't think he liked it because the congee was a little more "exotic", but he ended up eating it for lunch today. And he complimented me on the cooking more than once. :)

The congee turned out surprisingly well. The last time I made it, I burned it and it tasted like smoke, which was gross, but this time it's perfect. The consistency and the taste. Mmmm....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And on a much much dimmer note....

My grandpa's dying...

I went to visit him at the hospital today. He has Inclusion Body Myositis which basically means his body is shutting down very quickly. He can't even control his swallow reflex anymore. When anything is put in his mouth, it just slips down and this is really dangerous because it could slide into his lungs, which would cause a lung infection, which would kill him because he's so old and his body isn't holding up anymore, so fighting off infection is unthinkable.

And on top of that, because he can't swallow, mucus and food/fluid that's caught in the mucus just sits in the back of his throat and it goes into his chest and he can't do anything about it because he's too weak to cough it up or swallow it.

So this weekend, he's forbidden to eat anything and the occupational therapist is hoping the buildup of mucus will disippate on it's own if no more food or fluid is caught in his throat/chest. He's just on an IV drip that should supply all the fluids and electolytes he needs until he's reaccessed on Monday.

I'm really angry at my dad for not telling me. My grandpa was diagnosed with the Myositis in 2003. That's THREE years ago and he never said a thing. I found out today from the occupational therapist. I don't know how keeping this from me helped. And here I was, completely clueless as to why my grandpa was totally losing it. (The severe infection causes symptoms of psychosis/dementia. He didn't know who I was today...)

I don't even know if my grandpa will be around to see me graduate... I'm going to miss him so much. He used to take care of me and now he's just lying in that hospital bed with wires everywhere and he looks so small and so frail.

But he's lived a long, healthy and fulfilling life and I guess it's just his time now. It doesn't make it any easier to see him like this though. I don't want him to go...

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 09:39:16 GMT

The weekend was pretty eventful considering I didn't have any concrete plans. I had lunch with my family and my uncle and my grandpa got into a big fight at the restaurant and totally made a scene. It was so embarassing. Then I drove Rachel to the airport so she could fly to Edmonton for her grandfather's unveiling and then I went to see X3 with Helen.

After the movie, Helen and I went to the park at the Burnaby library where we sat and talked for a good hour and a bit. And as I was driving her home, she invited me to Hershe with her friends the following night. She's also been wanting to set me up with her friend Shian who, on paper, fits "my type" to a tee. Alas, she is a little too quiet for me and she doesn't seem interested, so it works.

I had a blast at Hershe though and met a whole bunch of people who seem really cool. I got 2 of their contacts and they're both really cute actually, but one of them has a girlfriend and I'm not really interested in pursuing anything else at the moment. I really want to see where this thing with Ingrid goes, although it's a wee bit premature to be anticipating things. Or maybe that's just my defense mechanism going up.

Aikido Demonstration!

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 01:22:54 GMT

Shohei Juku Aikido Canada will be having a public demonstration in Chinatown!

Date: Saturday, July 8th, 2006
Time: 1:30-2:00pm (I think there will be other demonstrations, but I'm not sure)
Where: Dr. Sun Yet Sen Courtyard in Chinatown

All are welcome to come!

And you can come see me get my ass kicked. :P

I want to...

Sat, 17 Jun 2006 09:10:10 GMT

1. start actually working out again (beyond Aikido) so I can get at least a 4 pack back.
2. learn how to ride a motorcycle.
3. get more DVDs that have lots of dancing in it (Honey, You Got Served, etc).
4. graduate.
5. draw more.
6. read more.
7. get into another form of martial arts (probably Wing Chun).
8. check out the Aikido club at SFU.

And that's all I can think of right now, but I want so badly to have motivation to do stuff again.

But! I went to Shannon's mom's house yesterday and she has all this stuff that she doesn't want and I got a whole bunch of it! I have everything from shirts to shorts to pjs to bras to bowls! It's so great. :D

And that's all I feel like writing right now, so I'll end it there.

Night of the Sultans!

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 05:49:42 GMT

I went to Night of the Sultans with Shannon on Sunday. It was a great show. As the ad said, "Over 50 performers and 500 costumes. It's a belly dancing extravaganza!" It was wonderful and now I'm completely obsessed with it.
I went as far as getting the DVD and having the guy who played "Evil" sign it. :D Shannon and I split the costs so it wasn't too expensive. And it helps that I'm infatuated with one of the performers. Such a sexy sexy woman. Mmmm...

I definitely want to take up another form of martial arts like Wing Chun or perhaps a form of dance like belly dancing :P or both like Capoeira. And I've also acquired a pamphlet for motorcycle lessons from Dennis (my first Aikido sensei). He said he would be supremely pissed if I got myself killed. And then I told Dena about it and she said that she wouldn't be too impressed either if I did anything to hurt myself. But anyhow, I thought that was amusing, but I appreciate their concern and I promise I will be careful.

I like taking on new projects because I'm in complete control of them and I can do them or not do them whenever I like. Right now, the project I have in progress is to improve on my Aikido. Since being registered with the Aikido World Headquarters, I have a renewed passion for it. I think I will be going to practice 4 times this week. There is a seminar this weekend in Gibsons and since a lot of people from my dojo can't make it, the sensei who is conducting the seminar will be coming to my dojo on Friday to teach the regular class. I'm pretty stoked. :D It's always really awesome to learn from a new teacher who learned Aikido outside of my own dojo.

Yay for new projects!

Yay for independence!

Tue, 23 May 2006 05:01:42 GMT

Last night, I went to Diva's Den and Hershe with Rachel. I gave Dena a ride to Diva's Den because she was performing and no one she knew other than me was going. Admittedly, she was fucking hot and I definitely still want her, but I'm still determined to get over her! Enough's enough! But anyway, after Diva's Den, Rachel and I went to grab some food and then I took Dena to the skytrain station so she could go home.

At Hershe, it was so unbelievably busy, but it was all good. I expected it to be packed. Rachel and I met up with a friend of my friend, Cheyenne and the three of us just hung out and danced for a bit. I got Rachel really drunk and it was just so cute. After a while, the three of us went upstairs to the balcony and there was this girl sitting on the little ledge thing looking down at the people and she looked exactly like Mimi (Rosario Dawson) from Rent. Not in her facial features, but in what she was wearing, the way she was sitting and the expression on her face.

When I saw her, I made a comment to Rachel and she immediately told me to go talk to her. I did (almost) without hesitation and we ended up talking for an hour or so. She had to leave around 1:30 because she had to go to work. She works nights at an after hours lounge or cafe or something. As she left, she offered me her number and then realized that I might not want it, so she got all shy and embarassed about it. It was really very cute.

But, obviously, I did take it and I called her earlier tonight around 8:30. Unfortunately, she didn't answer, so I left her a msg with my name and number and extended an offer for her to call me back. I really hope she calls. She seems like a nice person and it'd be cool to get to know her a bit. :)

Mon, 15 May 2006 08:40:06 GMT

I think Floyd misses his daddy. Emma brought home her ex-roommate's cat because he went home to Ontario until the mid-end of the month, but the cat is shedding so much. It's awful. Whenever I come home, he'll come to cuddle, which is great, but I'm allergic to cats! It would be much easier if he wasn't shedding so much, so in the mean time, I've resorted to keeping my room door closed. I feel bad because the poor thing wants love.

I think the cat has affected my immune system because I got sick on Friday. Despite that, I went to work on Saturday and then I came home and just lounged. Today, I went to dinner with my family and that's it. Now I'm all stuffy, but I'm feeling a wee bit better.

I don't want to go to school tomorrow. It's only the second week and I'm right back to procrastinating like crazy. I need to study, dammit! Thank god I sit in the back and try to be inconspicuous. *sigh* Oh well, off to bed I go.

Goodnight.

Stabilo - Kidding Ourselves

And I wanted to tear down the curtains
To let, let in some natural light
I wake up and open one eye
And wait for the window to crack at me
Alone

And I wanted to curl up beside you and die
At least for an hour or more
Depending on how you react
Depending on how you respond to me
I'll stick around

We're killing ourselves
Killing ourselves
So what do you want from me?
As long as there's a payphone and a taxicab
I'm alright
Cuz I can leave home
We're kidding ourselves
Kidding ourselves
So what are you waiting for
Cuz even with a fast car and a cell phone
I won't leave cuz I'd be alone

So tonight
Let's be as bold as we want to
And drink
Drink till we fall down the steps
Remember when that made us laugh
Remember how all that we did was laugh
And then cry

We're killing ourselves
Killing ourselves
So what do you want from me
As long as there's a payphone and a taxicab
I'm alright
Cuz I can leave home
We're kidding ourselves
Kidding ourselves
So what are you waiting for
Cuz even on a bullet train or a jet plane
I won't leave cuz I'd be alone
I'm lucky to find cardboard in an alleyway
That I can call home

So tonight
Let's be as bold as we went to

We're killing ourselves
Killing ourselves
So what do you want from me
As long as there's a payphone and a taxicab
I'm alright
Cuz I can leave home
We're kidding ourselves
Kidding ourselves
So what are you waiting for
Cuz even on a bullet train or a jet plane
I won't leave cuz I'd be alone
I'm lucky to find cardboard in an alleyway
That I can call home

So don't take your eyes off me
Don't look away
You won't be alone

Fri, 12 May 2006 03:07:14 GMT

I've been working at another branch for the last 2 days and I like the people at this branch much better than those at my home branch. I think we're going to go clubbing on Tuesday. It's going to be fun. :) We're all going to be so exhausted on Wed though. It'll be a hoot!

One of the girls at work reminds me Deidre, but it's not that she looks like Deidre or acts like Deidre. It's kind of eerie, but she's really quite attractive. She's super nice and really outgoing, which is refreshing considering a lot girls who are that attractive are stuck up. I'm happy that I'll be working there pretty often for the next month. :)

I've been listening non stop to Stabilo for the last few days. I love them, but they make me pensive and sad. It's because I relate so well to their lyrics. My favorite song is Happiness and Disaster, a close second is Ordinary, and tied for third are Kidding Ourselves and Rain Awhile. And Don't Be So Cold reminds me of Dena. It makes me sad.

Stabilo - Ordinary

How to tell a friend that you've
fallen in love with her while watching her sing
on the bow of a boat?
How to move the muscles to open your mouth?
To admit to what she's been afraid of?

I'm sorry, I know I'm only ordinary
I'm not a star
I apologize,
I know this is an unpleasant surprise
When you need a star

Can they tell, when nobody makes a sound?
When I'm lying, am I shaking?
I'm right beside the prophet
who made up his mind to keep quiet
Stay silent

I'm sorry, I know I'm only ordinary
I'm not a star
I apologize,
I know this is an unpleasant surprise
When you need a star

And to love and not to be loved
Is the key
And to see and not to be seen
That is me
And to move and not to be moved
Is to be free
And to love and not to be loved
Is the key

Tue, 09 May 2006 17:42:18 GMT

Okay, so I have just finished attending all my classes and I have come to realize that it's going to be a pretty darn busy term. Oh, I need to start studying! There's so much reading to do... But on the plus side, I have eye candy in all my classes. :P The first prof seems pretty nice and he seems to enjoy his work and is knowledgeable. The only problem is... he seems kind of monotonous. I really hope he doesn't put me to sleep during his lectures. The second prof, I've taken a class with her before. She's so awesome and I love how she ties almost anything with the topic being discussed. The third has an... interesting sense of humor, but I'm afraid she's going to be an unreasonable marker. But, we will see what happens. Ah, back to school I go.

Last night, I was checking my email and Dena's sister, Wanda, msged me. She told me to show up at the Waldorf on Saturday night because she was going to "introduce" me to someone. I proceeded to ask her some questions about this mystery woman and it turns out that Wanda doesn't even know this person! It was someone random she found off Superdyke and she seriously wanted me to meet her, when Wanda couldn't even tell me her name! When I objected, Wanda said that I needed "help".

Well, my love life (or lack thereof at the moment) is none of her business! It's one thing to be set up by a friend who knows me and knows what kind of person I'm looking for and thinks the blind date person is compatible with me. It's another thing to be set up by my EX GIRLFRIEND'S SISTER to a complete stranger that SHE doesn't even know!

Yes, so I was pretty pissed off about the whole thing and she had the gall to snub me when I said no! Oh, I am so not impressed with her... I really wish she would stop thinking she knows me just because I dated Dena. And on top of that, I hate that she acts like she knows better than me just because she's a few years older. Honestly, if she continues doing this, I'd rather have her not try to be my friend at all.

But anyways, it's strange being back at SFU. There are so many people! One thing I have forgotten since taking last term off, is that there are A LOT of people close to my age. Wow, what a revelation.

Thu, 04 May 2006 00:34:05 GMT

I have to go have dinner with my family tonight and skip Aikido yet again. I'm not too impressed about that. But I guess it'll be good to let the tattoo heal a bit more. I forgot my moisturizer at Dena's house and now it's peeling and itching like crazy. It's really irritating.

I found out today at work that I'm going to have to work at Arbutus shopping center on Wednesdays and Thursdays for the next month. I don't want to work there because the people are antisocial and snooty. I guess I could go shopping on my break, but I don't really shop and even if I did, I don't have the money to do that 2 times a week.

Class starts in less than a week. I'm praying the next 8 months will pass quickly and by the end of it, I will have successfully completed my BA in Criminology. Maybe I can get a job for the RCMP as a civilian employee. This means I have to stop smoking for at least 6 months. If they take a drug test, I don't want the THC levels to be through the roof. *sigh* But if I work for the RCMP, maybe I'll be able to get in through the back door and become a cop that way. That makes me happy.

Dena and I went to A&B sound yesterday and we got the new Stabilo CD. I think I've found a new favorite band. I can see why she's been so obsessive about it. They rock!

Inked!

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 08:27:31 GMT

I have finally gotten my tattoo! It's so great! Although, there were some glitches when it came to the appointment. Apparently, the lady who booked it for me didn't write my appointment in the book so when I got there, the guy who was supposed to do it for me was already working on someone else. There was another artist who was available, but when I looked through her portfolio, nothing really struck me as amazing, so I was iffy about letting her do the tattoo for me. She saw what I wanted and she went back and forth and drew it a few times, but I didn't like her versions of it, so I ended up just drawing it myself and she stenciled the exact picture that I drew.

I'm so happy that I got this done! I'm definitely going to want another tattoo. I think I want to get anywhere between 2-4 more tattoos. I want an arm band around my right bicep since it's almost a full inch smaller than the left one. And I want one right up the side of my ribcage, one on my lower back on the right and one on my thigh.

I was telling Rachel about it and I have come to realize that I might like pain a wee bit too much. heheh :D When I was getting it done, Dena made a comment about how I'm taking it shockingly well. I was breathing normally and it didn't seem to be affecting me negatively at all. And she was right. I really liked the sensation of it. The outline of the tat was a bit uncomfortable in some areas, but by no means was it unbearable. By the time she started shading, I was enjoying it immensely. My next tat is going to have to be longer. ;P Mmm, I like pain.

Yes, I think I'm addicted. :D

NO.

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 07:48:24 GMT

Well, I've taken my Aikido test and it was really good. People said it was very impressive and Dena came to watch and all of that made me happy. My other friend was supposed to come too, but she's been dealing with some issues and I haven't been able to get a hold of her. I've worked so hard for this and I've finally done it! Now I have to spend an additional $100 on the traditional Aikido wear, but according to my friends at Aikido, if I tell the lady at the martial arts supplies store that I train with Tama Sensei, she'll give me a big discount.

I was so looking forward to sleeping in today. I didn't have to teach nor did I have any plans with anyone, so I took a nice long soak in the tub last night after 4 1/2 hours of training which was highlighted by my test and then I watched some TV and went to bed. Then at 6am, Garett knocks on my door and comes in to ask me to drive him to work. I can't remember the last time I was that angry.

I don't even know why I do favours for people anymore. No one ever does them for me. I barely even get thank yous. I get a thank you at the moment, but then afterwards it's like nothing even happened. I'm going to start saying no from now on. Fuck everyone.

Then when I came home, of course I couldn't go back to sleep. I sat and channel surfed for an hour and a half and then finally dozed off again, and then the other roommate starts clomping around in her boots on our hardwood floor which wakes me up again. Thank god, she left the house before I really blew a gasket. I dozed until just before noon and called my friend, Shannon and we ended up grabbing some lunch and then we headed down to English Bay for a nice 2 1/2 hour walk. It would have been longer if my ass didn't hurt so much from Aikido. Sucks when your body doesn't do what you want it to. I can't imagine how Dena feels.

Anyways, after that, Shannon and I decided to go to True Confections to have some dessert. We shared a slice of chocolate banana cream pie. Mmm... it was so good. Then I came home and just hung out. God, I'm bitchy. And I was having a really good week too...

FUCK.

I hate everyone.

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 01:07:12 GMT

I've come to realize that I don't post when I'm happy. This probably isn't a very good thing to do... Lately, things have been going well for me. Nothing really big or really bad has happened (knock on wood).

EXCEPT!

I've gotten a raise! And a pretty big raise at that. BMO has finally realized that the reason why we have the worst customer service among all of the major banks here is because the CSRs are overworked and underpaid! No wonder we're total cunts when we serve customers. Anywhoo, back on track... the powers that be finally realized this and decided to give all CSRs an automatic 5% raise. BUT I was given a 15% raise!

This is because my branch manager has been really happy with my performance and since she's allowed to give up to an additional 5% raise, she did! And then she went to the area manager who is also allowed to give another additional 5% and convinced her to do it too, so that totals to 15%. It's about time if you ask me, but it does indeed make me very happy. This raise will kick in next month and Megan will be a much peachier. :D

Oh! My Aikido test is in 1 week! I'm so stoked. I can't believe this has snuck up on me so fast. I only have 5 more practices until the test! I'm going to be fighting the 2nd teacher I ever had. That should be interesting. This is going to be so awesome. Then a week after that, I'm getting my tattoo! I can't believe the last month has gone by so fast!

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 01:21:34 GMT

The horrible manager's gone! Yay! Her retirement dinner was last night and I managed to get out of attending, but I felt guilty for not seeing her off, so I ended up getting her a small gift. I dropped it off yesterday even though I wasn't working but I found out today that a whole lot of people didn't show up or even acknowledge her retirement. Most people can see why no one wanted to wish her well. She has quite the tree crammed up her ass and it was like her entire existence was to make our lives difficult.

But moving on to brighter things. I have decided to try and do something that makes me happy at least once a month. March was the vibrator (even though it was an impulse buy) and April will be the Aikido test and then the tattoo. I'm not sure what I'll be doing in May, but I'm sure that'll come to me sometime this month. :)

I'm not sure what I should have for dinner tonight. I have noodles, vegetables, dumplings and pork balls. Maybe I should do a small hotpot for myself. Mmm... that sounds yummy. Yes yes. I think that will be my dinner tonight. Yum yum yum.

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 08:04:47 GMT

I got a new vibrator! It was totally an impulse buy. Rachel and I were killing time this afternoon and we ended up meandering into an adult toy store. We were looking at the dildos and the vibrators and the sales lady practically shouted across the store that it was a wonderful product and we should get it. Then she told me to bring it over to her and she put batteries in it and shoved it into my hand. She was telling me all about it and I was leaning towards getting it, but I expected to leave and get it another time, but she ended up just ringing it up, so in conclusion... I now have a new vibrator!

I had the most fantastic workout at Aikido tonight. I weighed myself at Rachel's house and I've gained 7 pounds. I think it's muscle mass. I've been beating on Dena's speed bag and going to Aikido 3 times a week. And all my skin tight pants still fit, so I'm pretty sure, it's just increased muscle. But, if I could just lay off the munchie food, I'd be way more toned, which is the goal. I'm going to try not to have any junk food until after my Aikido test.

Oh! I've also booked my appointment for my tattoo! I'm so excited! The date is set for April 28th and I've put in my $20 deposit. I can't wait! I'm going to be getting it on my left shoulder blade so it shouldn't hurt too much. Originally, I planned on getting it on my left hip, but if I ever have kids, I don't want it be all stretched and distorted.

Gar just came home and he brought a movie that's best when one is flying high so we will ask my friend if she can hook us up. And on that note, I will now go pick her up from work and see if she can arrange something for us. :D